"I've Had a Bad Day Again"
"Ive had a bad day again, she said i would not understand, she left a note that said: im sorry ive, had a bad day again...."
This song had been on repeat for the last half hour. Its by fuel. I play it when i feel that i need a break, its something that i listen to when im down. I have never gotten sick of it yet. Its something that calms me. When i listen to this, i can write for hours on end.
Ever since i have read the harry potter books, they have become something unlike anything that has ever incased my mind. I cant go more than an hour without thinking about it. And its starting to over do my life. I have day dreams, night dreams, and everything inbetween. Its when you see me smile for no reason. Its the only thing that makes me smile now adays. Its the one dream i keep having, and adding on to. It starts at the biggining, works its way to the end, then somehow expands beyond all that can possiblely be imagined.
I have a short story, a fan fic. I know its dumb. But there is a web site that has like, 3000+ fan fics. Anyway, right now im in a mood that i just feel like crap. And my day dreams have started to take over any feeling i have for anything else. I havent watched tv for more than 30 minutes this week, except for the movies i watched durring the weekend. My life is exactly unlike my day dreams. Is something that i will try to explain.
Im a warrior, im popular, loved, and have a relationship with someone. This someone is someone close to me now, but she knows i love her, but i dont dare go beyond that explination.
I feel alone now, the only way out of this is my dreams. Its something that i have been going at for like 2 weeks now. It happens at work, durring school, driving around town, staying at home, sleeping at night. every part of me is wanting to be this person in my dreams. Noble, kind......happy.
I have 3 friends right now. Three. One i love and talk to every week, but never see. One i talk to every day, but never see. And one that i never talk to, never see, but happen to be my best friend. I have made no effort to see anyone i would consider my friend. Sometimes i look upon myself. And question if i should even try anymore.
I hate my school. I feel that Durham Tech is for the stupid, the poor, the ghetto, or the people with nothing else to do. I fit into that last one. if i could, i would excape from this horrable place. Go to any college i could. I dont care where anymore. I just want out. My grades have reflected how i feel in this world. My job, that i care more about than certan people that i love. Its lost its appeal for the first time in my life. I went into the plant, and what i saw was horrable. The utter chaos that was what had been my life, it made me sick. Things that cost my parents thousands of dollars, things that if any monkey were taught, it would do a better job.
I finally felt to night that im on the right track to the success of it again.
Today, though, i got yelled at by a customer, over the phone. He had an argument that if a stain was not taken out, then he should not have to pay for the services. I felt like if he were there in front of me, then i would have smacked him. He kept arguing. He had no case, we did the job, we were in the right, i know we were. We did his shit 3 times, some stains just cant come out. I told him that if he really wanted it out, to fill out a form, or things like that. I never lost my cool. I stayed on topic, i talked into the phone, and then, when i was done talking to him. He passed the phone over to the employee that was working at the store. That dumb tramp fucking handed the customer the phone to scream at my dad. And the fucker yelled at me instead. Then i lost it. I said in a clear, but calm, angry voice, "never, ever do that to me, again!" and slamed the phone down. then i yelled at the staff to never do that either. I calmed down by the end of it. and no one was pissed, or frightened. No one really cared either. but boris, who is one of the people i think can have hope for this place. He told me to go out and chill. That fucker paid to get his dress, after yelling at her for a while. We did the service. He was actually willing to leave without paying.
Some people you just cant help, they suck at life, and they always take it out on others.
I saw a friend that i havent seen in forever today. Its been like months since i have seen her. At first i thought she wanted to fuck me, it was quite odd, actually. but no, she wanted someone to rant to, for a good while. like an hour. I tried to see a way into her, into her mind, something to see what she wanted of me. I havent seen her in the longest time, but she hugged me when we left the resturant. Her hug was something that i havent had in a long long while. It was a hug like when you need it. When you squese, when you hang on. When feeling goes into it. It felt good to hug her, it felt like something i have been missing. I feel that my life is going down hill. Its been so long since i have seen anyone look at me. Actually LOOK at me. Its hard to discribe. no one likes to look into someones eyes anymore.
"Did you know you could have whole conversations with someone, without even talking, just by looking into their eyes." -Myself
I said this without meaning once. Without actually thinking it through. But a while ago, i met someone. Even though it was a short time i had with this person, before they left, i felt that that statement came into reality. It was something to sit there and just stare at her. All we did was look at each other. And yet a whole lifetime passed. I reflected this in my mind the other day. Sitting out on my back yard. Looking at the trees. I knew that i was happy. I couldnt help but smile.
Did you know you draw more attention to yourself if you smiling, than if your not. I have seen this happen to me more times than you would think. Its interesting. I would smile because it make me feel good in my own little world. If you ever catch me smiling at nothing, do me a favor. Shut up. Let me enjoy it. Its one of the few times that i would ever have my mood reflect what im thinking. Its my life, it sucks, but why do people ask? I understand why, they want to smile. "Think happy thoughts" is a true moto of what to do. Smile, it makes happyness that much easier to gain. I never thought that i would ever express myself in writing. But look at me now.
I mean i thought that i would read, once, maybe a good book. Something to pass the time inbetween movie one, tv two, and the videogames a-many. After harry potter, i find myself trapt in the fan fiction that is www.mugglenet.com. Its something i never thought of doing. Its something that anyone would look upon and just go, "wow, thats creepy." But it brings me the little joy i have in my life.
I wish someone would come to rescue me. Someone lovely, smart, and kind. Someone who would stop saying "you would be the perfect boyfriend" and actually get on with it. Does anyone really have any idea how many times people come up to me and ask why im single? I dont fucking know! I am starting to not understand it myself. Its like got is playing a trick on me! Sometimes, i catch myself looking around my room, and wondering what went wrong. I look at my room and ask why am i here? i have given up on finding "the one" i have no set of tricks up my sleve. I have no way of thinking about what im doing here. I feel that my life is starting to become a sham. Im starting to be something.....something that im not. I dont know what to expect of this world. i dont know what to expect of this life. All i know is that, if i dont get out of this town, this house, maybe this country. I dont know what im going to do.
I havent made a new friend in such a long time. There are co-workers, peers at school, and things along those lines. But what im looking for is a new group. Someone new to hang out with. All of my friends are gone. Mike is my only friend that i have interaction with. Sure he is my brother, but i feel that he will leave me soon as well. He wants to join the army so bad. I think he could truely make it. He has the power to do so. But i worry about him sometimes. He has more of a goal than me. He knows what he wants to do with his life. Now i know what your thinking, "He is only 17, he has no idea what he wants to do." But he actually does, he knows, KNOWS what he wants to do. Its with such determination that i just am afraid sometimes. When will i get that. I dont want a 9-5 job, but im headed down that path. Im headed down the path of not knowing what to do with my life. I would love to just escape. I would love to have my mind on something else. Something powerful, get away, leave, just be gone.
The worst thing that would happen to me right now, would be....
It would be to be alone. To be utterly alone. I look for the love in my life. I cant find it, but i will one day.
If you have taken the time to read this, do me a favor. One of the biggest ones in the entire world. Never talk to me about what i write here. Dont even mention that you know that i have a blog. It would kill me. Just read, and dont mention a thing. Its something for me. Its my rant. Just dont write in your own, dont look at me differently. Do try to set me up with someone, lol, but dont feel bad for me. I have my dreams, they make me happy. I smile at the thought of them. I think that for once, the first time, i will actually do my homework. I will get started on getting out of here. I leave this blog, my statement of life, with a smile on my face. my smile that i feel is enough, its hope, its the love of many people, some real, some really special. but the ones that care, they are the ones that i stay in contact with. They are the ones in my dreams.
"Ive had a bad day again, she said i would not understand, she left a note that said: im sorry ive, have a bad day again. " -Fuel
This song had been on repeat for the last half hour. Its by fuel. I play it when i feel that i need a break, its something that i listen to when im down. I have never gotten sick of it yet. Its something that calms me. When i listen to this, i can write for hours on end.
Ever since i have read the harry potter books, they have become something unlike anything that has ever incased my mind. I cant go more than an hour without thinking about it. And its starting to over do my life. I have day dreams, night dreams, and everything inbetween. Its when you see me smile for no reason. Its the only thing that makes me smile now adays. Its the one dream i keep having, and adding on to. It starts at the biggining, works its way to the end, then somehow expands beyond all that can possiblely be imagined.
I have a short story, a fan fic. I know its dumb. But there is a web site that has like, 3000+ fan fics. Anyway, right now im in a mood that i just feel like crap. And my day dreams have started to take over any feeling i have for anything else. I havent watched tv for more than 30 minutes this week, except for the movies i watched durring the weekend. My life is exactly unlike my day dreams. Is something that i will try to explain.
Im a warrior, im popular, loved, and have a relationship with someone. This someone is someone close to me now, but she knows i love her, but i dont dare go beyond that explination.
I feel alone now, the only way out of this is my dreams. Its something that i have been going at for like 2 weeks now. It happens at work, durring school, driving around town, staying at home, sleeping at night. every part of me is wanting to be this person in my dreams. Noble, kind......happy.
I have 3 friends right now. Three. One i love and talk to every week, but never see. One i talk to every day, but never see. And one that i never talk to, never see, but happen to be my best friend. I have made no effort to see anyone i would consider my friend. Sometimes i look upon myself. And question if i should even try anymore.
I hate my school. I feel that Durham Tech is for the stupid, the poor, the ghetto, or the people with nothing else to do. I fit into that last one. if i could, i would excape from this horrable place. Go to any college i could. I dont care where anymore. I just want out. My grades have reflected how i feel in this world. My job, that i care more about than certan people that i love. Its lost its appeal for the first time in my life. I went into the plant, and what i saw was horrable. The utter chaos that was what had been my life, it made me sick. Things that cost my parents thousands of dollars, things that if any monkey were taught, it would do a better job.
I finally felt to night that im on the right track to the success of it again.
Today, though, i got yelled at by a customer, over the phone. He had an argument that if a stain was not taken out, then he should not have to pay for the services. I felt like if he were there in front of me, then i would have smacked him. He kept arguing. He had no case, we did the job, we were in the right, i know we were. We did his shit 3 times, some stains just cant come out. I told him that if he really wanted it out, to fill out a form, or things like that. I never lost my cool. I stayed on topic, i talked into the phone, and then, when i was done talking to him. He passed the phone over to the employee that was working at the store. That dumb tramp fucking handed the customer the phone to scream at my dad. And the fucker yelled at me instead. Then i lost it. I said in a clear, but calm, angry voice, "never, ever do that to me, again!" and slamed the phone down. then i yelled at the staff to never do that either. I calmed down by the end of it. and no one was pissed, or frightened. No one really cared either. but boris, who is one of the people i think can have hope for this place. He told me to go out and chill. That fucker paid to get his dress, after yelling at her for a while. We did the service. He was actually willing to leave without paying.
Some people you just cant help, they suck at life, and they always take it out on others.
I saw a friend that i havent seen in forever today. Its been like months since i have seen her. At first i thought she wanted to fuck me, it was quite odd, actually. but no, she wanted someone to rant to, for a good while. like an hour. I tried to see a way into her, into her mind, something to see what she wanted of me. I havent seen her in the longest time, but she hugged me when we left the resturant. Her hug was something that i havent had in a long long while. It was a hug like when you need it. When you squese, when you hang on. When feeling goes into it. It felt good to hug her, it felt like something i have been missing. I feel that my life is going down hill. Its been so long since i have seen anyone look at me. Actually LOOK at me. Its hard to discribe. no one likes to look into someones eyes anymore.
"Did you know you could have whole conversations with someone, without even talking, just by looking into their eyes." -Myself
I said this without meaning once. Without actually thinking it through. But a while ago, i met someone. Even though it was a short time i had with this person, before they left, i felt that that statement came into reality. It was something to sit there and just stare at her. All we did was look at each other. And yet a whole lifetime passed. I reflected this in my mind the other day. Sitting out on my back yard. Looking at the trees. I knew that i was happy. I couldnt help but smile.
Did you know you draw more attention to yourself if you smiling, than if your not. I have seen this happen to me more times than you would think. Its interesting. I would smile because it make me feel good in my own little world. If you ever catch me smiling at nothing, do me a favor. Shut up. Let me enjoy it. Its one of the few times that i would ever have my mood reflect what im thinking. Its my life, it sucks, but why do people ask? I understand why, they want to smile. "Think happy thoughts" is a true moto of what to do. Smile, it makes happyness that much easier to gain. I never thought that i would ever express myself in writing. But look at me now.
I mean i thought that i would read, once, maybe a good book. Something to pass the time inbetween movie one, tv two, and the videogames a-many. After harry potter, i find myself trapt in the fan fiction that is www.mugglenet.com. Its something i never thought of doing. Its something that anyone would look upon and just go, "wow, thats creepy." But it brings me the little joy i have in my life.
I wish someone would come to rescue me. Someone lovely, smart, and kind. Someone who would stop saying "you would be the perfect boyfriend" and actually get on with it. Does anyone really have any idea how many times people come up to me and ask why im single? I dont fucking know! I am starting to not understand it myself. Its like got is playing a trick on me! Sometimes, i catch myself looking around my room, and wondering what went wrong. I look at my room and ask why am i here? i have given up on finding "the one" i have no set of tricks up my sleve. I have no way of thinking about what im doing here. I feel that my life is starting to become a sham. Im starting to be something.....something that im not. I dont know what to expect of this world. i dont know what to expect of this life. All i know is that, if i dont get out of this town, this house, maybe this country. I dont know what im going to do.
I havent made a new friend in such a long time. There are co-workers, peers at school, and things along those lines. But what im looking for is a new group. Someone new to hang out with. All of my friends are gone. Mike is my only friend that i have interaction with. Sure he is my brother, but i feel that he will leave me soon as well. He wants to join the army so bad. I think he could truely make it. He has the power to do so. But i worry about him sometimes. He has more of a goal than me. He knows what he wants to do with his life. Now i know what your thinking, "He is only 17, he has no idea what he wants to do." But he actually does, he knows, KNOWS what he wants to do. Its with such determination that i just am afraid sometimes. When will i get that. I dont want a 9-5 job, but im headed down that path. Im headed down the path of not knowing what to do with my life. I would love to just escape. I would love to have my mind on something else. Something powerful, get away, leave, just be gone.
The worst thing that would happen to me right now, would be....
It would be to be alone. To be utterly alone. I look for the love in my life. I cant find it, but i will one day.
If you have taken the time to read this, do me a favor. One of the biggest ones in the entire world. Never talk to me about what i write here. Dont even mention that you know that i have a blog. It would kill me. Just read, and dont mention a thing. Its something for me. Its my rant. Just dont write in your own, dont look at me differently. Do try to set me up with someone, lol, but dont feel bad for me. I have my dreams, they make me happy. I smile at the thought of them. I think that for once, the first time, i will actually do my homework. I will get started on getting out of here. I leave this blog, my statement of life, with a smile on my face. my smile that i feel is enough, its hope, its the love of many people, some real, some really special. but the ones that care, they are the ones that i stay in contact with. They are the ones in my dreams.
"Ive had a bad day again, she said i would not understand, she left a note that said: im sorry ive, have a bad day again. " -Fuel
posted by Tim at 10:25 PM
2 Comments:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Word is not leaving the site, but I have to say... crap I can't think of a good way to say it. Just take my word: I sympathize and you're definitely still OK. Nothing wrong with reading and ranting.
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